You've Done Enough

Life is being really, really kind to me right now. Honestly, it's scaring me, because I just know something hard is coming if life is this awesome right now. Classes are great, my job is great, the guy I'm dating is great, my friends are great, my calling as a Sunday School teacher is great, everything is great. That being said, so much good can be a lot to handle.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for so many blessings. But with so many wonderful things to devote my time to, how can I manage? Sometimes I wish I had an extra day a week and that every day was about 8 hours longer. It's hard to feel that I'm investing as much as I should into all these wonderful pieces of my life. Sometimes, I'm left wondering if the effort I put in is enough.

Sometimes, I struggle to accept that my best is enough. I've gotten better at it, but it's one of those things that comes back to haunt you right when you need it the least. Nagging thoughts find you when you're struggling to find a balance between all the good things in your life, and coerce you to feel guilty for not doing more.

Whenever I feel the wave of commitments begin to overwhelm me--like this past week--I remember a lesson Brother Griffin taught me over a year ago from John 6. Christ has been ministering to a multitude, but it's nearing the evening. They're in a desert place, so there's nowhere to buy food for everyone. The disciples are concerned for the crowd, so they encourage Jesus to dismiss them to find food. Instead, the Lord asks a young boy nearby for his five loaves of barley, and two small fishes. Imagine how insufficient that young boy would have felt. In front of you is a crowd of four thousand people, and all you have is a basket with a few morsels. He would have known that his contribution wouldn't be enough, yet he chose to do as the Lord asked of him. Instead of refusing out of embarrassment, pride, or selfishness, the boy gave everything he had to the Lord. And then, the miracle. The Lord accepts the boy's meager offering and performs a miracle. He takes those loaves, those fishes, and feeds all those that had listened to Him.

The Lord only asks for what we can give, and then takes our sacrifices and makes them into more than we ever could alone. He sanctifies our sacrifice. He knows what we can handle, and will fill in the blanks when we fall short (if we're doing our part).

When I feel that I'm not doing enough, I remember that I'm doing what I can. I'm putting sincere effort into the good things in my life, and I know the Lord has let my efforts have a greater impact than they should have. So, what I've learned from this week is to always strive to do more, be more, be better--but remember that what I'm doing is enough.

John 6

You Decide How Hard Your Life Is

It's an unavoidable fact that life will throw some nasty curve-balls your way. Either it's happened to you and you know I'm telling the truth, or you will soon.

In the few years of experience I have, I've noticed how attitude is everything. That's a phrase that gets thrown around a lot, but I doubt that people really let that sink in. I firmly believe that attitude entirely governs your experience on this life. 

There are two people that jump into my mind that prove this point to me. One of them is consistently, persistently happy, despite the flood of trials that seems to follow her like her own personal rain cloud. Despite personal health issues, disease, surgery, her mother's death due to cancer, and various other challenges, I've rarely seen her without a smile. She takes life head on, and actively shapes her life into something positive.  

The other person I think of has been blessed in so many ways. She has it all; a good home, a loving family, a wonderful college education, etc. Yet she always finds something wrong with her life and fixates on that, rather than the positive. Her attitude drains the joy and energy from the incredible experiences she has. 

I've been reflecting on this for the past few weeks. It's not because I've been going through trials, interestingly enough, but because of the opposite. On the contrary, my life has been absolutely perfect. I have incredible people in my life, I know what I'm doing with my life and I love it, and everything is falling into place. What I realized is that I'm not marginally happier now than I was when my life wasn't a bed of roses. Because I don't let my circumstances dictate how grateful I am for the life I lead, but rather choose to be grateful for every experience I'm given, I find joy in every day. That includes the days that throw those nasty curve-balls.

Gratitude enables me to make more of my life because I'm living my life with my Heavenly Father in mind. With this in mind, I challenge myself to write a list of 20 things I'm grateful for every night (no repeats). Not only will this help me be grateful for the day I've had, but will instill a spirit of gratitude for the coming days as well.

If You're Going to Worry, Worry Right.

Today in my accounting class, my professor, Jim Stice, gave all of us some beautiful advice. He invited us to look back on the past five years and to look at the Lord's hand in your life. He asked us to contemplate how we've been guided, even when we thought we were on our own.

Often when we're thinking of the future, we become overwhelmed at the prospect of what we have to overcome. We only see the many challenges we face matched with our many inadequacies, and we don't see how we're going to be able to get through it. We forget that the Lord will be there with us in the future, just as he has been in the past. 

We're prone to worry. Where is my life going? What's going to happen? Professor Stice says, "Good.  Good is going to happen. It's going to be fine." And really, that's so true. God is investing in us, the future leaders of his church. If we don't make it into the major we were wanting, or if we don't get that job we wanted, or anything else happens in a way we were hoping it didn't, it's all fine. Maybe God is helping us dodge a bullet. Maybe it wasn't right for us. Whatever happens, we are in the Lord's hands, just like we always have been. 

Professor Stice asked us to learn the following simple truths from someone who learned the hard way. 

"Worry about the present. The future will take care of itself. Worry less. Enjoy more."

The simplicity of his message struck me. I know that the Lord is looking out for me. I know that everything that happens, the perceived good and bad, is all from His hand, and I trust Him. With that trust, what then do I have to worry about? Knowing that He loves me removes so much of the negativity from life. Every experience can become positive when we look at it with God's perspective of time, destiny, and growth. 

My challenge to myself is this: follow Professor Stice's words of wisdom. My stress levels have been slowly building up for the past two weeks, but I realize that though my circumstances aren't in control, my attitude about them is. I can choose what I worry about, and I'd rather worry more about the things that I actually have the power to change. I will take the actions I need to for my future, but I'm going to worry less about it. If I do everything I'm capable of towards my future, I should be calm knowing that I've done all I can, and that the Lord has helped me every step of the way. 

Good things come... to those who actually try.

I wish I'd had a Han Solo to set me straight before I took a test on Monday. Sadly, it was failure and not a stylish Harrison Ford that led me to re-evaluate a few things.

I almost have my minor in mathematics. Back in high school, I took enough math classes that I figured I only needed 3 more classes at BYU to get my minor. I've taken Fundamentals of Mathematics, Linear Algebra, and Ordinary Differential Equations, and enjoyed them all. (Not even kidding. Math classes can drive you mad, but there's no denying that you get tight with the people who go through the inferno with you. Math friends are friends for life.) I thought I'd taken all the classes necessary to add a nice little bullet to my resume, but turns out the joke was on me. By the time I got around to actually declaring my minor, I found out I hadn't gotten credit for a Calculus class I'd taken back sophomore year of high school. I'd only gotten a 3 on the AP test, and BYU requires a 5. Turns out, I'd have to take a substitute class. The adviser recommended Math 118, Finite Mathematics.

I wasn't very enthusiastic about having to take a 100-level math class, but I sucked up my complaints and signed up for the class. I figured it would be a joke, and I could breeze through no problem. Please, I had my Math Minor (almost).

And so began my downfall.

I went to the first three lectures and then ditched the rest of them. I can honestly say that until this class, the only class I've ever intentionally skipped was my Flexibility class last semester. The professor took 75 minutes to teach what I thought should have taken maybe 30. It was all probabilities and sets, nothing I hadn't dealt with before. I figured if I could do the homework and glance at the textbook occasionally, I'd be just fine.

I took the first midterm for the class this past Monday, and I did not do well. So many things went wrong, and it was all because I hadn't prepared like I always, always, always do. 

As much of a shock as those numbers were on the screen, it was also a much-needed humbling experience. I'd tried reaping the benefits of success without putting in the hours. Consequentially, I'd learned that it doesn't work. (duh). I'm well aware I have the potential to do well in the class, but I won't get there without effort. Life's like that in a lot of ways--the potential is there, but it takes hard work, motivation, and consistent dedication to realize those fruits. That's how it is with dating and relationships, with musical talents, with athletic abilities; why wouldn't the same rules apply to education?

Thanks to this test, I know I need to put more effort into the areas I want to succeed in. That'll take more prioritizing, but that's just life. I still won't be going to lectures (because I got cocky and said I could work during those hours since I didn't think I'd need to attend the lectures) but I'll be carefully reading the text, taking down good notes, and frequently heading back to my old stomping grounds, the Math Lab in the Talmadge Building. One's thing for sure - you can bet I'll be staring at a "Fantastic!" the next time I walk out those testing center doors.