Life is being really, really kind to me right now. Honestly, it's scaring me, because I just know something hard is coming if life is this awesome right now. Classes are great, my job is great, the guy I'm dating is great, my friends are great, my calling as a Sunday School teacher is great, everything is great. That being said, so much good can be a lot to handle.
Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for so many blessings. But with so many wonderful things to devote my time to, how can I manage? Sometimes I wish I had an extra day a week and that every day was about 8 hours longer. It's hard to feel that I'm investing as much as I should into all these wonderful pieces of my life. Sometimes, I'm left wondering if the effort I put in is enough.
Sometimes, I struggle to accept that my best is enough. I've gotten better at it, but it's one of those things that comes back to haunt you right when you need it the least. Nagging thoughts find you when you're struggling to find a balance between all the good things in your life, and coerce you to feel guilty for not doing more.
Whenever I feel the wave of commitments begin to overwhelm me--like this past week--I remember a lesson Brother Griffin taught me over a year ago from John 6. Christ has been ministering to a multitude, but it's nearing the evening. They're in a desert place, so there's nowhere to buy food for everyone. The disciples are concerned for the crowd, so they encourage Jesus to dismiss them to find food. Instead, the Lord asks a young boy nearby for his five loaves of barley, and two small fishes. Imagine how insufficient that young boy would have felt. In front of you is a crowd of four thousand people, and all you have is a basket with a few morsels. He would have known that his contribution wouldn't be enough, yet he chose to do as the Lord asked of him. Instead of refusing out of embarrassment, pride, or selfishness, the boy gave everything he had to the Lord. And then, the miracle. The Lord accepts the boy's meager offering and performs a miracle. He takes those loaves, those fishes, and feeds all those that had listened to Him.
The Lord only asks for what we can give, and then takes our sacrifices and makes them into more than we ever could alone. He sanctifies our sacrifice. He knows what we can handle, and will fill in the blanks when we fall short (if we're doing our part).
When I feel that I'm not doing enough, I remember that I'm doing what I can. I'm putting sincere effort into the good things in my life, and I know the Lord has let my efforts have a greater impact than they should have. So, what I've learned from this week is to always strive to do more, be more, be better--but remember that what I'm doing is enough.
John 6
Thank you for posting this. For as long as I can remember I was always being compared to others by those closest to me. I'm sure that this was done for good intentions, trying to help me realize a "full potential" or have a role model in my life or something like that but instead it gave me a bit of a perfection complex. I've felt for the the longest time that if I'm not perfect at something or I don't perform perfectly, which is impossible in most aspects of life of course, that I'm falling short and letting people down, most of all God. It wasn't until recently, when I really started learning about the atonement and the love that God has for us, that I started to feel OK with myself and my best efforts. I still struggle a lot to hope, to believe that it is possible to fall short of the mark and yet still have pleased the Lord with our best efforts.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thoughts